A crazy I've never been before.

So, I've said before that I've become caffeine dependent to get me through my 8am Theories class, and a lot of mornings that means stopping at Sheetz for a frozen mocha, sometimes with an extra espresso shot if I'm extremely tired. This morning, I went to Dunkin Donut instead because I have the $.99 month long coupon for a medium iced coffee. Well, I was feeling super tired because I don't think I slept restfully at all last night. I got a turbo blast of espresso added in. Worst idea I've had in awhile. I stayed alert in my first class, which is my usual assumption of "oh the caffeine is helping" (I never go crazy, bouncing off the walls, high energy from caffeine). Had a break after that class before my next class at 11. Was still fine, awake but calm. About 5 minutes into abnormal psych at 11, I got extremely jittery, my leg wouldn't stop bouncing, my eyes were darting around, I kept picking at my nails, tapping my pen. Basically, I looked like I was on drugs. This was soooo out of ordinary for me. Justin sits next to me and he noticed how I kept looking around and picking at my nails. Then after class when we were walking out, I was so high energy and I grabbed his wrist and was just like "why do I have to have classes next?! I would so much rather go out and have some fun with you and do something fun!" And he just gives me this look of "have you completely lost your mind?" because he knows this is NOT my normal behavior, and he was actually rather speechless. He left and I went to my next class and texted him "turbo shot was a bad idea" and sends back "you actually broke the skin on my hand lol", I guess I dug my nails into him pretty good lol. About a fourth of the way through my next class, I calmed down to my usual low energy level. I'm really surprised I didn't have a huge crash that knocked me to my ass.

My next class where I calmed down is social psychology, and that's a really interesting class. In this class, for the second time in my life, I got a paper cut from the plastic on my binder. So it was really a binder cut. But it's exactly like a paper cut, super thin line that hurts like a bitch with that burning feeling. We were also supposed to be partnering up and working on a sample answer for the essays on the study guide for our test on Tuesday. Yeah no. Jess and I were facebooking and playing games on our phones. Could potentially bite us in the ass when we take the test, lol.

Plus side, when I checked blackboard this morning, I saw that I got a 56.5/60 on my Theories test, no idea how I managed that one when I couldn't remember half the stuff I had written out beforehand for the study guide topics.

The ironic thing about spazzing out in abnormal psych class, was that my professor was discussing the bipolar disorders and talking about mania and hypomania. My own personal standard level of energy is pretty non existent, it's not noticeable when I have energy. Compared to my "normal" energy level, you probably could have labeled me as being in an extremely short episode of the hypomania state. Obviously, I was not really in a hypomania state because those symptoms have to last 4 days, and I was only highly energized for about 2 hours. But I think my behavior was probably a snippet of an example of what you might see in a person having a manic/hypomanic episode.

I also find it so interesting how the DSM identifies these disorders as serious, yet they know nothing about bipolar. According to my professor, the extent of what they do know is bipolar is probably about 40% biological, and the neurons in the brain of bipolar sufferers are different than people who don't have bipolar. There is a lot of contradicting between depressive disorders and bipolar disorders, which makes no sense because depressive episodes are likely to occur with bipolar. Like, inducing seizures can help reduce the symptoms of depression, but an effective treatment for bipolar is using anti-seizure medication. Also there is really no effective treatment discovered yet for bipolar because scientists can't figure out the causes of the disorder. The most effective thing found so far has been the naturally occuring element, lithium. But the side effects of this medication are so bad, that patients describe taking the medication to be more unbearable than the bipolar itself.

Anyway, I don't pretend to be an expert on this or find research on it, I'm only regurgitating what I learned in class and found interesting to me.

All in all, I had a good day. Nothing stressful to make me lose my mind. But nothing overly amazing either.

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Comments (3)

  1. noahbody

    LOL! They blurt out crap and have no clue. Hypomania has to be at least 4 days? ROTF! They have no fucking clue! NONE!!!!! They sit on their high horses and pronounce this bullshit. Like the one where if you cycle more than 4 times in a year you are a rapid cycler? REALLY? WTF do they call it when you cycle hourly? Imagination? Pretending? Yeah… it’s all in my head. They really have no more clue than they did in the 50’s with their electroshock therapy. Sheeeeit….
    Lithium? Yeah, again they have no clue. Freaking lithium for God’s sake. Goes back to the 50’s too.
    But, much as I dislike him I give Obama credit where credit is due… he increased funding on brain research and it IS producing dividends right now, every single day. With ADHD, autism, mental disorders. Understand may come in the next 10 years and maybe a cure sometimes after that.
    But these asshole professionals today base all their facts and knowledge on things merely guessed at as long ago as the 1950’s or even before. All their vaunted book learning… bah! If even one of the fuckers cared enough to really learn, really listen, really observe…. but noooooo… fore they all are so convinced that their book learning provides all the knowledge necessary. Christ, no bleeding wonder why we have to support each other and not rely upon the so called experts. The bastards would end up killing us all.

    March 27, 2014
    1. alishaquigley

      This is all stuff according to DSM 5 that just came out a year ago, and my professor doesn’t agree with the Bipolar disorder chapters because of how contradicting and ambiguous a lot of the stuff is. According to DSM, hypomania lasts 4 days, with no impairment, hospitalization or psychotic episodes like hallucinations. It’s exactly like mania, only the symptoms aren’t as severe. And mania has to be one week and usually involves major impairment and hospitalization. If she finishes early, she has us write a “what did you learn today” quick response. She did one today and in my response I just asked, If scientists know nothing about bipolar, then how do they even know it’s its own disorder? How do they know these manic episodes aren’t part of some other disorder? If nothing is known about it, how can they classify it as severe and just hand out lithium medication that has side effects worse than the “bipolar” itself?
      My professor does mention a lot how we didn’t really have any “useful” drugs until the 1950s, so medication is still a relatively new form of treatment that is still going through a trial and error stage. The first drugs used were just sedatives to immobilize patients. She’s also not really in favor of the bipolar chapter to the DSM 5, she knows it’s not researched enough to go publishing in a diagnostic manual and has a lot of criticisms on it that make her just shake her head.

      March 28, 2014
      1. noahbody

        She senses that hardly anything is really definitively known about the disorder. There has been NO research on it at all for decades until recently. Most of what they claim to be “facts” are mere suppositions made from improperly arrived at conclusions that came from observations under abhorrent conditions during the 50’s. If they would just ask, and really listen, they could learn so much more. Yes, I know their numbers and their conditions and limits… I’ve read and studied them all… then laughed at them for the reality is nowhere near as set in stone. For instance… hypomania does sometimes come with psychoses. So does depression. But they insist it is tied solely to mania. And do they even recognize mixed states at all except in passing? Mixed states are the most critically dangerous of them all. They fail to realize that the beast is so malleable, so adaptive, that he is fully capable of changing everything in his attack vectors in order to break through defenses. He has the ability to twist and turn everything and anything, make anything into an evil tool to break you and beat you. I have another, older life on here where I wrote quite a bit about it in a futile effort to explain the unexplainable. Some of those writings might be enlightening. And bear in mind… although I speak in large part from my own experience it is not solely limited to that. I have worked with many people over the years, many people from all over the world. I have lost one or two and also followed one or two through to a successful life. It is sooooo variable that the attempts by the “professionals” to pigeon hole it and lay down limits and definitions are practically hopeless. Believe it or not I have my own copy of the newly released DSM 5, also the previous DSM 4. They get a few things right but are so far off base on so many things that it would be laughable were it not such an intensely critical position for so many people. But Obama HAS provided hope. At last real research is being done, and making headway. For the first time in 70 years. I mean… the best they come up with these days are meds whose side effects are often worse than the disorder, or CBT – I mean come on? Do you honestly think I can simply learn to mentally turn aside the attacks of the beast? If I could do you really think I would not have done so already? And of course there’s the age old electroshock therapy, still in use today. Yeah… like training a dog using a shock collar. And therapy? What a joke! Teach me to relax? Teach me to what? Control the urges at self medication when they are the only way to still this hateful beast’s rantings? Oh I know… the best one of all… teach me to meditate. Yeah, THAT will quiet the beast for sure.
        Sorry. Do not mean to rant but this a very sore subject for me. All of these professionals are so sure they know better than we do. If they would only care enough to really listen and really hear… so much could change for the better. So often all that is really needed is someone to listen without judging while you work yourself through it. Someone else to communicate with besides the beast who lives between the ears.

        March 28, 2014